Escaping my Prison, Join me?

Hello! I hope this post finds you all feeling well, happy, loved, and  so much more! Why limit the love?!!!

I am finding it hard to start writing this. I really want to pour my heart into this. I want to show all of my strengths and talents and flaws and shortcomings(trust me, there are many!). That is what I want to do. I want to paint you a picture, a portal to my soul. When you read my words I want you to feel like you really know me, because you will. I want to hold nothing loving back. I only want to use my ego as a tool to remind me to take care of myself. I don't want to feel like my ego is putting my light out. You feel me?

I want to know that I am safe sharing all of that. But, I am not. The kind of safe I want would allow for me to be open, honest, raw, exposed. I would know that no-one would judge me.  I would feel heard, valued, respected, and loved. I would know that your opinion of me would be positive. Oh, I could go on for days the extent of the definition of safe, in this situation...Well, it turns out that it really doesn't have to matter if I feel safe or not. My ego likes to feel safe. My spirit screams to be set free. The battle between the two has led me into my own prison. A prison built on a lie; that to be of value, I have to be  likable, acceptable, and different rules apply with different people...and on and on the restraints go. I feel shut in. I did it to myself. I passed judgement on people for  what I perceive their judgment of me would be. You know, like when you just know so and so thinks they are a better mother than you. (You can see it all over her face. Judgy little miss I am better than you! ) What if she's not thinking that, but rather you are feeling inadequate today (maybe you realized someone has on two shoes from different pairs, and there is a snot stain on your skirt from your sweet, teething, toddler.) Or what about when you feel like you should share something with someone, but they will think you have lost your mind....so you don't, and regret it. Sometimes resentment grows from here, and they never actually DID anything. It all happened in WHAT IF LAND or you know, your mind, thoughts, perspective...Another brick on your cell. See. NO good.  I don't thrive well in here. I want out. So, instead of fearing your judgments, I am going to be brave. I am asking for your love and support. I am asking for your words and ideas. Maybe if we are all a little brave, maybe, just maybe we can become examples to the world. That people of different beliefs, backgrounds, location, gender, and all of the other polarizing categories, can be unconditionally loving towards each other. That we can grow our consciousness, being aware of our actions and energies, and their effects on others. Watching love grow and expand between us and all whom we come into contact with (eventually, may as well have a BIG goal!).

I honestly do not care where you are on your path. I want to hear it. You are where you are for a purpose. Your struggles and successes will prepare you for your future. There is always a silver lining, some are just harder to see. Everything happens for a reason. There are many theories on this. Some believe we agree to our challenges before we are born. Some believe our challenges are payment for past karma or bad deeds that need settled (some add past lives to this grouping). Some say its because of the apple eaten in the Garden of Eden. There are a lot of theories and beliefs out there. I have barely scratched the surface on this research. Can you add to my knowledge? I would love it.

Thanks for reading, contributing and thinking with me.
Be well. Be you. Be love. Be you.

Time for lemonade...

Hi again, it's me, the absent blogger.

Sooooooooo, here is an update on my last post:

It appears that the state is still trying to move "Earth" to a higher level of care home. I am still not happy about it. I have not given up the fight to keep him in my home.....
I have (with the help of my husband, my rock) come to the realization that the decision really isn't mine to make.  Indeed, I wish it were. So rather than throw in the towel, I am trying to see things from a less emotionally charged position. It is not easy to turn the "momma bear" off once that beast has been provoked. The truth is, he is a foster child, and not mine. I hope that changes one day, but for now, that is a fact. The cool part about him being a foster child is the fact that MANY people are available for consultation. I have called and emailed some of those people and ultimately, it has shall we say "encouraged" members of the local DHS office to see that maybe, just maybe, I have some good points to consider, PRIOR to making this decision to move him. The plan is still to move him. I just have gained a face to face meeting with the people responsible for his well being, to discuss my thoughts as well as for me to hear theirs. Will the outcome be a change in his plan? I sure hope so. If not, I have been told that there are other avenues to travel that may lead to his being left here. I hope this meeting ends in a satisfactory resolution. Time will tell. I will keep you all posted.

As for now, I am sitting on the back deck watching the kids play in the pool. It is nota nearly warm enough for it, if you asked me. The kids seem to think differently and are having a blast! Who am I to strap them from enjoying the last few days of summer, pretending it is warm is not the worst thing they could be up to.

We played a fun game of Monopoly, well we started it anyway. I think Monopoly is a really long game, maybe even "the game that never ends....(bwahahaha)" . It really doesn't matter, we are having a great time playing together, even if I got stuck being the dumb ole banker...... <<humph!>> I will beat them yet!  It is on, like Donkey Kong!

In other news,

The Dad, has been super busy with work. He is working nearly 7 days a week. I am grateful for such a dedicated, hard working husband and father to my children. He has taken the changes we have made in our home and adjusted so many things so we all can be comfortable. So if I don't say it enough. I think he is awesome. I am a very lucky woman to have him. I just hope he knows how special he is :0)