My Conclusions....

It has been a little over a year since my last post.

I was very angry.
I was very hurt.
I was full of unpleasant feelings.

I AM NOT ANY LONGER. I AM QUITE HAPPY WITH MY LIFE.


In the past year I have come to a few conclusions regarding the Foster Care system in my area (and maybe others?).

1 The system as in life, cannot be/feel fair to everyone. It always seems unfair to at least one party involved....
2 The system works for some. We should be grateful in those circumstances.
3 There are great caseworkers and horrible caseworkers and many in between.
4 Caseworkers are people. As such they are imperfect.
5 I am no longer wanting to be a Foster parent, my family has been put through the wringer. We are done.

Here's to a new chapter.......

Apparently that WAS NOT lemonade.....

So there I was in a room with 8 other adults, who are supposed to be looking out for the best interest of the little dude I've been ranting about lately. I was tricked. To make this short and sweet, I poured my heart out, tears and all. I tried to make them see how much we love him. How much a part of our family he is. I offered a lot of alternatives to moving him. They were not moved. They said the decision wasn't concrete. They said they would discuss it and get back to me. After nearly two hours of listening to so called facts, about his case and difficulties, presented completely out of order. The time line was a mess. It was my word against that of the caseworker, whom I still believe was doing what she needed to, for reasons I don't want to speculate. It wouldn't change anything if I were to guess anyway. Suffice it to say that she and I did not recall many, if any of the details to fit the same time line. I do not pretend that the issues she mentioned, and I cannot for his privacy, were untrue. It's just mostly really old information that had been discussed with the proper channels and handled. Most of it was from 2012, and super old news. She presented it as if it had all happened recently. Anyway, a big, fat, mess. I don't see how poking the bear would make his life any easier so I took the high road as much as I could and calmly gave my own account of the facts in the time line I lived and she merely heard about. They thanked me for coming and told me they would be discussing it after I left. I went to talk to a friend at the agency and was bawling, and venting and saw them leave the meeting within minutes of my departure. They decided to go ahead with the move and gave me less than 48 hours notice. Nearly 16 months this child has lived with us. Longer than he has lived anywhere else in his life, and they gave him absolutely no time to transition from one home to the next. He will have little to no closure. His bond was severed with a jagged knife to the heart. This child who suffers from reactive attachment disorder (caused, in a nutshell, by not being able to trust, and rely on people for nurturing, love and support) had yet another family say they loved him, say he would always be welcomed in their home, promised that he would never be asked to leave, and it probably looks to him like he was lied to yet again. He is 5. That is not something he can grasp. His attachment disorder just got a little worse. He has no way of knowing how our hearts break for him. How sad we are. How much we really do love and want him. I'm so angry. I will not likely ever understand. And I'm grown. He's just a baby. I'm not sure what to do next. I have to heal a bit and get my feelings and emotions in check. It's not over.

Time for lemonade...

Hi again, it's me, the absent blogger.

Sooooooooo, here is an update on my last post:

It appears that the state is still trying to move "Earth" to a higher level of care home. I am still not happy about it. I have not given up the fight to keep him in my home.....
I have (with the help of my husband, my rock) come to the realization that the decision really isn't mine to make.  Indeed, I wish it were. So rather than throw in the towel, I am trying to see things from a less emotionally charged position. It is not easy to turn the "momma bear" off once that beast has been provoked. The truth is, he is a foster child, and not mine. I hope that changes one day, but for now, that is a fact. The cool part about him being a foster child is the fact that MANY people are available for consultation. I have called and emailed some of those people and ultimately, it has shall we say "encouraged" members of the local DHS office to see that maybe, just maybe, I have some good points to consider, PRIOR to making this decision to move him. The plan is still to move him. I just have gained a face to face meeting with the people responsible for his well being, to discuss my thoughts as well as for me to hear theirs. Will the outcome be a change in his plan? I sure hope so. If not, I have been told that there are other avenues to travel that may lead to his being left here. I hope this meeting ends in a satisfactory resolution. Time will tell. I will keep you all posted.

As for now, I am sitting on the back deck watching the kids play in the pool. It is nota nearly warm enough for it, if you asked me. The kids seem to think differently and are having a blast! Who am I to strap them from enjoying the last few days of summer, pretending it is warm is not the worst thing they could be up to.

We played a fun game of Monopoly, well we started it anyway. I think Monopoly is a really long game, maybe even "the game that never ends....(bwahahaha)" . It really doesn't matter, we are having a great time playing together, even if I got stuck being the dumb ole banker...... <<humph!>> I will beat them yet!  It is on, like Donkey Kong!

In other news,

The Dad, has been super busy with work. He is working nearly 7 days a week. I am grateful for such a dedicated, hard working husband and father to my children. He has taken the changes we have made in our home and adjusted so many things so we all can be comfortable. So if I don't say it enough. I think he is awesome. I am a very lucky woman to have him. I just hope he knows how special he is :0)

When the world gives you Lemons, vent on your blog!!!!?!!!!...Or is that just me?

Picture credit

I know I am not the best blogger in the history of the world. I am fickle with my commitment  to blog about things I feel are important, or just need to get off my mind. I want to be better about it, I have drank enough excuse water over the years, I should pretty well be immune at this point. I'm not. I have a lot of reasons to NOT post whats on my mind. I am whittling away at them :0) Pride, Fear, Anxiety of being judged or misunderstood (Or BOTH!). I guess, mostly, fear sums it up. I am a yellow bellied, sap sucker... drowning in fear and excuse water....

NOT COOOOOL.

So much has happened since my last post. Heck its been seven months, that is an awful lot of catching up, I have to do.

To summarize;
Kids moved in and out, ALL SORTS OF MONKEY BUSINESS happened in between :) (I will work on filling in the missing stories over time, if I remember, I hope....)

So that brings us to the present....Sort of.

So, here I am sitting at the table waiting for the least supportive, least reliable, most obnoxious (due to an overwhelmingly insincere, ridiculously upbeat, cotton candy shooting, not forthcoming, less than honest, email and phone call avoiding, non communicating, less than helpful, persona) caseworker in the entirety of our foster parenting life, which is in the neighborhood of 9 years. She has my boy. Nope not Dakota or Brady, there isn't a snowballs chance in Hell, I'd let her (nor would Jason for that matter) get her paws on those two :0) She has our little guy, "Earth"  She took him, with less than 48 hours notice, to Tigard to meet with a potential foster placement. Yep. She is trying to move him. Not just to another foster home, but to a foster home for kids with severe difficulties behaviorally or otherwise. Yes, he is a challenging kid. Yes he has RAD. Yes, he requires a lot of supervision and attention. No, she has not acknowledged that in the 15 months he has lived here. Well, she has verbally acknowledged it, but not in any tangible way. She has not got him a Child and Adolescent Needs and Strengths assessment. I have asked numerous time for one. And, that is a BIG one. Maybe even the most important. Not to mention acting like he didn't have any "real" issues. Oh, yeah, she also didn't even tell me the results of his psych eval, even the diagnosis of RAD and PTSD were not shared until June. The evaluation was done in October.......
*******side note: For those who are unfamiliar, Oregon (and likely other states), has this assessment for ALL foster children to determine what level of supervision and mental health care etc a child needs to be at. This assessment gets foster parents more than just extra money for the kids, it also gets a lot of extra services, like therapy, skills training, training for the foster parent, extra help in school and/or other social settings, and a lot of other really helpful tools.*******
I have begged for a new therapist, because his triggers him to some really unpleasant behaviors. Even his therapist agreed to the transfer and because of that he has not had therapy since before Christmas (i think). He did finally get a skills trainer last month! YEAH!!! That has been going well. And he was referred to a group called Mid Valley WRAP, they do all sorts of wonderful things for kids. They are great at getting a lot of those services I mentioned before. Sometimes they are overwhelming, but it's worth it because they help bring about results! They help keep everyone involved and on the same page :0)
She finally starts to move in the right direction for him (oh, and they are moving to termination too! That means he will be free for adoption, and we want him. She knows that! ) and what does she do? She shifts gears and doesn't let any of the new services have a chance to work and decides to place him in a residential/or BRC (I cant remember the letters, or there meaning. My mind went full duhhhhhh mode when she was telling me. It's hard to listen and comprehend when all you feel is your heart breaking, your blood rushing to all areas of your body and you have to remind yourself not to speak, knowing that nothing you say will make sense or be civil :) ) home or some other such, NOT STAYING WITH US sort of placement. Oh and she does all of this without even asking what our thoughts are. Ok, soooooo, I don't seem to be able to be even close to kind right now. She has him, right now, at a "meet and greet" with some other family in the Portland area, letting them decide if they like him and want to take him in for an unidentified period of time from 30 days to a year or so, to help get diagnostics and blah, blah, blah.....<<<<<WHAT>>>> He has attachment issues and she/they want to sever the attachment formed here, act like he is SOOOOOOOO hard to handle (even though she/they did not even give us the ability to use the basic tools ALL foster kids are supposed to have available tooo them) and see if this new family, this home of strangers, these people who, to him, will be the ones who took him from us, or we will be the ones who abandoned him yet again, cuz he hasn't had enough of that is his life. Even though he has lived with us longer than he has lived ANYWHERE IN HIS LIFE!!!!!! And that is all to help him work with his attachment/bonding difficulties...*****HUH?****

(((((((I ma choosing to lay blame with the Caseworker, I know she is responsible for a lot of the crap we are and have been dealing with, I also know other people have to be involved and she probably has to snow others into believing her version of the facts before this can happen. Although, the ones (DHS STAFF) I have been able to speak with, seem to be sitting on the fence or see things similarly to how I do. Even the fence sitters think its worth letting us have a go with all these new services and keep him in his home, here, with us, aka his family....)))))))))


I will post again when I know more.....
Please feel free to pray for us. We could use it. Specifically, please pray that we are able to help with and accept Heavenly Father's plan for our family and this child...... I truly appreciate it.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 7

I am thankful for my calling as a mother. 

I know I am lucky to have my biological children, so many people I know have not been able to conceive. I am saddened for them. That sadness only makes me appreciate what I have been given even more.

I am equally blessed in being chosen to be the temporary mom to all of our previous and current foster kids and those who will come in the future. One day I may even get to be an adoptive mom to one or more:0)

I feel incredibly lucky to be able to stay home with my children and home school them as well. 

I know that staying home with your children is not all that popular in today's world, but I count it as a blessing. I have not had to work outside of our home with the exception of a short stint, when my oldest was very young, to help earn what we needed to move into a bigger place that would allow me to have a daycare at home, which lead to us becoming a foster family...

 

God is in control. I am thankful.

Another round of sickness...more missed events :0(

This past week has been another fan-stinkin-tastic one. It began with "Coco" and the fever and then slowly made its way through the whole crew. We are talking about some serious bouts with vomit, fever, snot, coughing and diarrhea. Yippee! I have bee incredibly busy. Yesterday it hit me. I am pushing through, kind of.
In the midst of the illness we had another child move in. He is 7 years old and has been asked to leave a lot of placements in the past nearly 2 years. I was leery about taking him in after the trio. They were hard kids, and I do not want to add to this little dudes trauma by not being able to handle him. The hubs and I talked about it, and decided that this is what we do. We take in the hard kids. Someone has to, why not us? So to all of my praying friends please keep us in your prayers. I am hopeful that we can make this his last placement before he moves home with his mom, (which I hear shouldn't be too very long).
As for the rest of us, we are adjusting to a slighly different pace. It is wonderful to have moments of quiet. I have missed that. "Earth" is regressing some. He really wants to be a baby like the "Princess" and"Curly". That has not been as fun as it might sound. A nearly five year old doing his business in his pants is NOT at all fun. I think he is done with that now. Let's hope :) "Coco" and "Baby B" are doing really well with the little kids. I think they needed a change of pace. The Dad is hiding out in the shop, or "working" a lot. LOL No, really he has been super busy playing catch up from our out of state last month. This sickness has seemingly skipped him.
I missed two of my nieces birthday parties this week. It doesn't help that they were so close together, but they didn't choose to be born on the same day. I feel bad. It seems like I miss a lot of family functions due to some illness or another. Some how the kids can't seem to let any sickness pass without taking it for a ride through our family. I can only hope that my family can understand.

The "Softer Side" (of Sears)

It's funny to me how often I am asked for advice on parenting difficult children.
I certainly do not feel like a stellar example of grace, poise, patients, forgiveness, and all of the other qualities a mother should be. I am flawed. Seriously flawed even.
I lovey kids. I love my foster kids. I try to love without prejudice. I try to look past the behavior and see the heart of the child. Some days I feel pretty successful, other days....not so much. Some days I am to harsh. To hurried. To self-righteous. Sometimes I find that I have spent more of the day disciplining (you know, timeouts, lectures,chores, etc) behaviors that maybe should've been looked at from a different angle or overlooked altogether. Behaviors that maybe don't mean what any person initially would think. Maybe I could've praised the good choices more and paid less attention to the not-so-wonderful choices.
That is where I am today. Feeling a bit guilty and ashamed of some of the harsher judgements and consequences and lack of praise and understanding. That is where my dear hubby has been known to call "the softer side of sears" time to step back and let them learn love, trust, and gentleness. I pray that Heavenly Father will give me the patience and understanding needed.

I will leave you with a few little laughs. They are so funny because they are true... Not the way we should think, but often how we do think.... (Do you like how I said "WE" when in fact I am speakiming of me.....?)
Sorry the graphics are goofy, I took them from Facebook and put them on here from my phone.....