For the past few days I have not been feeling quite like myself. I feel like my brain is cloudy. My intuition is wonky. My legs and most of my body feel, well....like they are vibrating. Nothing looks like its shaking, but I feel weird. Lots of ideas are spinning in my head. I feel like I am on a good path, but need to slow up a bit. Maybe you've been here too. So I am blogging about it.
I know everyone processes everything differently. I am not looking to put words to your life, but mine? Yes, I am only trying to put my life in perspective. I am hoping by being a bit transparent, someone will not feel alone. While the process is different, we all sense loss and sadness. We all celebrate our victories, and joy! Why not talk about how we deal with our struggles?
Struggles are not negative in nature. They are not positive either. I believe we assign each moment with its value, according to our own level of conscious and unconscious behavior.
Conscious behavior, to me, is when we fully understand why we feel the way we do. We know why this feeling about the situation exists. We have taken the time to reflect and make sure we are behaving (including inside our minds) and use this knowledge to set boundaries and keep ourselves in line with what we hold dear.
Unconscious behavior is when we behave out of instinct, or from a place where we can't truly explain why we acted that way. We may have had life experiences that have taught us how to react this way (like my stories in yesterdays post).
When we try to live in a conscious state, we have to look very deeply at ourselves. We have to dig deep and find the root of our choices. We have to ask ourselves the really hard questions. For me, a lot of them hurt. I am seeing myself in a whole new way. I am seeing others in a better light too. The things I don't love, I have to re-frame. And trust me, I've only just scratched the surface. I have a lot more growing and loving to do.
So, as I sit here today, feeling less than good, but better than bad, I can see the need to rest. I don't have to beat myself up for not getting the work I need to do done. Floors can be cleaned later, or by someone else today. I am using this time to do some reflection. I am using this time to connect with friends. I am using this time to soak up some sun. I will be back to good soon enough. This is a time for letting my mind wander. To dream of all the fun the summer will bring. To listen to the birds and watch the sun's energy dance off the tall grass. Its gonna be a great day!
Love to all!
What are you doing today?