Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Free yourself from unnecessary negative thinking, its worth it! (IMO)

The purpose of this blog has been through a few changes since the first post. I am treating it as a life journal, sort of. I am not a polished writer. I love to tell stories and do so pretty well in person, most of the time. In writing, I am never sure how my words will be received.

If , Nah, WHEN my words get scattered and disorganized, remember I am trying to illustrate my process. How i get from a place of judgment to a place of love and understanding and non judgement. My process is messy. I circle round and round refining my thoughts until I am satisfied with my new found conscious actions and no longer reliant on subconscious reactions. I am trying to show some of my areas of unconscious and conscious judgement that I have had to look deeply at, process (Does it fit still? Did it ever fit? Do I even want to carry this as mine? Why did/do I feel like this is a good choice? Do I choose this behavior or do it from habit or practice?  Does this limit my view or expand it? Am I leaving room for another persons thoughts/ideas? Does this make me feel any particular way? If so, how do I feel, do I like it? Does it hurt someone? Does it lift me or others up? Is it healthy? Codependent? Loving? etc) I am trying to illustrate my process and hoping that my words will inspire me to keep searching and evaluation my life and how I live it.

 I have a huge life goal. Its complicated and yet seemingly simple. I want to be unconditionally loving towards all. I want to be free to be me, and free to love you exactly as you are. I don't see this as a task I can accomplish in any set period of time, but one to continually be working on for the rest of my life. There will always be room for improvement. There will always be another layer of conditions, carelessly, subconsciously placed on those I want to love unconditionally. I think this is true for most people. I think most of us have things that we can do to be more loving. We need to love others and ourselves with a lot less restrictions.

I've shared a couple of stories that show some areas of my past, conditionally loving nature. I have carried a lot of hate, and lived it too. The thing is, I wasn't aware that, that was what I was doing. It was subconscious. A part of who I was. A product of my life choices and chances. Some lessons are taught to us over the years, and serve us well. Some serve to protect some aspect of us that needs protecting (usually ego rooted self esteem, survival skill) I am not judging you for yours. I'm hoping you won't judge me either. But if you do, that is ok. I am working on accepting your judgement as a reflection of you, not me. We are mirrors to each other. My feelings about you and your life mirror my strengths and weaknesses. When you make me angry, I get to look deep inside and discover why? Is it intentional, or a reaction? Is it fair? Can I ask you questions and have you help me find out if I truly need to be angry or is there a more compassionate way to feel? You can do it too! Its a beautiful thing. 

Unconsciousness in behavior, (including feelings, actions, and more) to me,  is an act that we have not been made aware of. Its a natural instinct. Its a product of life's unpleasant lessons, quite possibly even lessons that we have not finished learning.  An example of that would be learning not to trust because we trusted people who didn't handle it with the care we would've liked. The next time we trust, its a little harder. The more we see people mishandle our trust, the more we grow our reasons not to trust the next person. 

Overtime, we have taught ourselves that people can't be trusted. Now maybe we feel alone. Now we look at our significant relationships and put them through the trustworthiness filter that we have developed from people abusing our trust. Maybe they pass, probably they don't. Our filter is full of hurt, sadness, failed relationships, and pain. Our filter is full of other people failing us. Our filter is full of things we know see as a precursor to mishandled trust.  Our filter is crap. 💩(In my opinion)

How do we fix our filter? How do we learn to trust? Who is responsible for that effort? Who is responsible for cleaning the garbage from our perspective? 

When we choose to look at our limiting perspective and evaluate its value, we can choose to keep it or re-frame it. We can say..."Wow, that was rude, and judgy! Not cool. I don't need to judge him by his appearance. I should be celebrating his comfort in his skin, now that is worth feeding!!" Or something like that. Identify the rub, evaluate its worth and re-frame your words to fit your truth. Its funny how many times a day I still get to do this. At first if felt bad, pointing out my may flaws. I really liked believing I was not judgmental and was very kind and loving....WRONG! It was in my face all day, errryday! Its still is, but now I am excited to see some knew way that I can make my heart open to love. I know it might sound silly to you, and that is perfectly ok. I really love looking for ways to grow my perspective, my views, my beliefs, my understanding, and my filter is getting better and better. It feels amazing! I have much more up days than down. I'm even learning how to apply those same loving skills to myself and the people closest to me. It has been liberating!!!

 When we turn to a perspective that encourages us to step out and be brave. When we choose to heal from past hurt, we can see that we are putting our pain, from past experiences, onto people who were not even there when the hurt infiltrated our filter.

  Getting mad at your SO for not seeing them get you a birthday gift, because past SO always (probably an exaggeration, unless you've only had one SO or ..???) Stewing on the possibility of them forgetting. Then acting grumpy because you know its gonna be like all the other birthdays where you felt unloved, forgotten, unimportant, pushed aside, neglected or something similar... Now your being Snarky at home. Maybe your even short tempered. Maybe your mumbling under your breathe about it. Maybe you sit silently, peering at them from the corner of your eye, watching to see if they are even thinking about you. OR YOUR FEELINGS.......

See, not fair. They shouldn't be held down by the actions of others. You have to change your mindset, or your behavior changes to match the words that run on a loop in your head. Or, at least that's how it happens with me, and quite a few other people I know, you can totally be different😉

Allowing ourselves to forgive each time and more forward in life with an unclogged filter, allows us to freely love and accept people for who they are. It allows us to trust that people do the best they can with what they have. I believe a lot of pain and heartache, and mistrust, and anger etc stem from misunderstandings or misdirected creation/manifestation by focusing on the worst instead of the best... I have seen evidences in my life and I wonder if you look at yours if you will see that as well.......
Conscious behavior has intent behind it. We are aware of what we are thinking and feeling and we know why! We choose our behavior from this awareness!!! We know we are coming from a place of love and understanding. We are allowing love to run freely from us to others. We are welcoming. We are kind. And when we are not, we are aware.We choose this tool and use it with compassion,, and love for ourselves and others. We are setting boundaries to protect ourselves, but not to limit. We are looking for ways to expand ourselves and our life. We are free to move about in love. We are able to trust and be trusted. We are respectful of others and allow them to live as they see fit, and know that, that is the most loving thing we can do. For ourselves, and for the people we come into contact with. 

I choose to look for unconscious choices and filters and turn them into conscious! Who is with me?

Be well. Be you. Be LOVE. Be awakened to your unconscious behavior!

Please comment and share your thoughts and ideas.👻💫


  1. Tami, you are so brave. I love that you are speaking your truth and sharing your journey. You are a bright shining star of love and joy. So blessed to have you in my life. ����

    1. Thank you Kim. I truly appreciate you and your kind words. You are an amazing woman with a heart full of love. thank you for being you!!

  2. Tami, thank you for sharing your stories and teachings. You have a beautiful way of writing. Your big heart radiates love in a world that is so much needed and this recipient appreciates it!!

    1. Thank you anonymous friend. I love that you chose to comment and your words touched me. I am glad to be able to share my journey. It is not an easy task. I love knowing my words can be used to improve another's life, even in a small way! Much love friend!

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