Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Hello... Hello... Is anybody out there?

I don't know about you, but I have had many times in my life where I am so wrapped up in my own family and the craziness that ensues with our lifestyle that I begin to wonder if we are in fact the only people on the with the following struggles. I can go days or weeks without having a meaningful conversation with anyone not living within the walls of our home. I am consumed by the screaming and fit throwing, poop smearing and urine sprayed on walls, floors and people. I am buried in  laundry, dirty floors, nasty diapers, vomit, and daily routines. Every few seconds it seems that someone has bit, hit, kicked, pushed, shoved, yelled at, or somehow offended another member of the household.  There is not enough time in the day to be a decent wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I struggle to maintain a semi~clean house, fed and clean children, happy kids and a husband who feels as appreciated and loved as he really is... ( I am really quite blessed  with my husband). I go to bed daily wondering how I could've been more efficient, better prepared, more patient, more loving, calmer in the face of the the nine millionth tantrum that week. I question my skills, my talents, my motivation. I dog myself for my shortcomings and failures. I criticize myself for being too critical towards my children. I review my ability to be judgmental, I am saddened at my ridiculous expectations and standards used to measure others.

Then I clothes my eyes, and pray. I ask for forgiveness for the multitude of sins. I ask for a renewed spirit of love, patience, and kindness. I pour my heart out to the Creator, Father, Savior. I find peace in that time with Him. I am thankful for the grace, and mercy that seems never ending. I am reassured. I am ready to do it all again in the morning, or in a few hours should one of the little ones decide not to sleep through the night.....again.

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