Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Here and Now :0)

I have exciting news. I am excited anyway. I QUIT SMOKING! Oh~ I have quit in the past, but this time feels different!! (Please continue to pray for me...) It has been 6 days since my last cigarette! Woot Woot!

In other news, the kids' that we have been fostering, are very close to a permanent reunion with their biological mother. They have been at her house since Monday. They will be here for the weekend and then when I drop them off at school on Monday, October 3rd, they will live with their mom. I am going to miss them but, more than that I will be praying that this arrangement works out for them, forever. I don't think it's fair for them to be shuffled around. Please pray for them also.

Let's see, I am also feeling pretty good about losing some weight. I am not following any particular program. but rather only eating until I am no longer hungry, which is not the same thing as being full. I am down 10 pounds. I have a lot more to lose, and will likely start weight watchers in the near future. I am to focused on quitting smoking to be overly concerned about my food intake just now.

I have been praying for guidance on finding a church. I have not been praying for me to receive the guidance, but, rather, my husband. I am afraid that what I feel is being somehow influenced. I feel a strong pull in a particular direction and I want my husband to feel it too. I know that He will influence my husband in His time. I am excited.

I really want to make a huge change in my life and in that of my family. I know change is often hard, but I welcome it. I want to be on the right path. I want to be on His path. I want Him to lead my husband and we will follow. I believe the husband is to be the Head of the household. I believe God will provide him with guidance. I am praying that he will receive the guidance and want to lead us to the church that God sanctions.

I don't want to lead. I want to be led. I feel with all of my uncertainty and all of my reading and researching, I could be mislead by what I see as my heart. I believe I have found the church that has the blessing of our heavenly father. I believe I still have much to learn before making a commitment.  That is part of my reason for waiting on my husband to feel strongly drawn to a church too.

Does that make me weak? 

Maybe it does.

I'm okay with weak. I am okay with waiting too. I think my husband is nearly ready to make that leap.

I miss church. I miss the sermons, the women's groups, the activities for the kids. I miss feeling like I am part of God's family. I miss the way it feels to sit down on Sunday and feel like the person at the pulpit is speaking to me. I miss feeling really good about going to church. I miss having friends with like views. I miss knowing that the children have playmates that will be of good moral character. There is so many positive changes that happen when you align yourself with good christian people and meet with them regularly, and pray together, and for one another.

For now, I will have to be content to read and research and pray for my husband to be ready to lead.  He is a great man. He loves us more than anything in this world. He provides for all of our needs and constantly works to make things better. I know how lucky I am. I know that God had a plan for us, even before we met. His plan will come to fruition in the good Lord's timing.

I will be content in the here and now.....

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