Sunday, May 14, 2017

Escaping my Prison, Join me?

Hello! I hope this post finds you all feeling well, happy, loved, and  so much more! Why limit the love?!!!
I am finding it hard to start writing this. I really want to pour my heart into this. I want to show all of my strengths and talents and flaws and shortcomings(trust me, there are many!). That is what I want to do. I want to paint you a picture, a portal to my soul. When you read my words I want you to feel like you really know me, because you will. I want to hold nothing loving back. I only want to use my ego as a tool to remind me to take care of myself. I don't want to feel like my ego is putting my light out. You feel me?
I want to know that I am safe sharing all of that. But, I am not. The kind of safe I want would allow for me to be open, honest, raw, exposed. I would know that no-one would judge me.  I would feel heard, valued, respected, and loved. I would know that your opinion of me would be positive. Oh, I could go on for days the extent of the definition of safe, in this situation...Well, it turns out that it really doesn't have to matter if I feel safe or not. My ego likes to feel safe. My spirit screams to be set free. The battle between the two has led me into my own prison. A prison built on a lie; that to be of value, I have to be  likable, acceptable, and different rules apply with different people...and on and on the restraints go. I feel shut in. I did it to myself. I passed judgement on people for  what I perceive their judgment of me would be. You know, like when you just know so and so thinks they are a better mother than you. (You can see it all over her face. Judgy little miss I am better than you! ) What if she's not thinking that, but rather you are feeling inadequate today (maybe you realized someone has on two shoes from different pairs, and there is a snot stain on your skirt from your sweet, teething, toddler.) Or what about when you feel like you should share something with someone, but they will think you have lost your mind....so you don't, and regret it. Sometimes resentment grows from here, and they never actually DID anything. It all happened in WHAT IF LAND or you know, your mind, thoughts, perspective...Another brick on your cell. See. NO good.  I don't thrive well in here. I want out. So, instead of fearing your judgments, I am going to be brave. I am asking for your love and support. I am asking for your words and ideas. Maybe if we are all a little brave, maybe, just maybe we can become examples to the world. That people of different beliefs, backgrounds, location, gender, and all of the other polarizing categories, can be unconditionally loving towards each other. That we can grow our consciousness, being aware of our actions and energies, and their effects on others. Watching love grow and expand between us and all whom we come into contact with (eventually, may as well have a BIG goal!).
I honestly do not care where you are on your path. I want to hear it. You are where you are for a purpose. Your struggles and successes will prepare you for your future. There is always a silver lining, some are just harder to see. Everything happens for a reason. There are many theories on this. Some believe we agree to our challenges before we are born. Some believe our challenges are payment for past karma or bad deeds that need settled (some add past lives to this grouping). Some say its because of the apple eaten in the Garden of Eden. There are a lot of theories and beliefs out there. I have barely scratched the surface on this research. Can you add to my knowledge? I would love it.
Thanks for reading, contributing and thinking with me.
Be well. Be you. Be love. Be you.

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