Saturday, August 17, 2013

Apparently that WAS NOT lemonade.....


So there I was in a room with 8 other adults, who are supposed to be looking out for the best interest of the little dude I've been ranting about lately. I was tricked. To make this short and sweet, I poured my heart out, tears and all. I tried to make them see how much we love him. How much a part of our family he is. I offered a lot of alternatives to moving him. They were not moved. They said the decision wasn't concrete. They said they would discuss it and get back to me. After nearly two hours of listening to so called facts, about his case and difficulties, presented completely out of order. The time line was a mess. It was my word against that of the caseworker, whom I still believe was doing what she needed to, for reasons I don't want to speculate. It wouldn't change anything if I were to guess anyway. Suffice it to say that she and I did not recall many, if any of the details to fit the same time line. I do not pretend that the issues she mentioned, and I cannot for his privacy, were untrue. It's just mostly really old information that had been discussed with the proper channels and handled. Most of it was from 2012, and super old news. She presented it as if it had all happened recently. Anyway, a big, fat, mess. I don't see how poking the bear would make his life any easier so I took the high road as much as I could and calmly gave my own account of the facts in the time line I lived and she merely heard about. They thanked me for coming and told me they would be discussing it after I left. I went to talk to a friend at the agency and was bawling, and venting and saw them leave the meeting within minutes of my departure. They decided to go ahead with the move and gave me less than 48 hours notice. Nearly 16 months this child has lived with us. Longer than he has lived anywhere else in his life, and they gave him absolutely no time to transition from one home to the next. He will have little to no closure. His bond was severed with a jagged knife to the heart. This child who suffers from reactive attachment disorder (caused, in a nutshell, by not being able to trust, and rely on people for nurturing, love and support) had yet another family say they loved him, say he would always be welcomed in their home, promised that he would never be asked to leave, and it probably looks to him like he was lied to yet again. He is 5. That is not something he can grasp. His attachment disorder just got a little worse. He has no way of knowing how our hearts break for him. How sad we are. How much we really do love and want him. I'm so angry. I will not likely ever understand. And I'm grown. He's just a baby. I'm not sure what to do next. I have to heal a bit and get my feelings and emotions in check. It's not over.

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