Monday, September 11, 2017

A shift in a direction. (Warning, I am choosing to drop all of the f`bombs and swears, if that is not your jam, i don't know if you wanna hang out here. Follow your gut. You do you!

Hi! 
I am super excited you stopped by! 
I am in the midst of a shift in my thinking, or awakening to yet another truth, becoming conscious of a limitation I placed on myself being released. I am thrilled to have come to this realization. It feels like a message or prompting from Spirit, God, Source of Creation, the divine, Goddess (call that what you will😉, I'm not trying to label, the label isn't important to me, the pure unconditional loving energy is. I'm also not trying to change, challenge, or invalidate your perspective, just sharing mine. ). 



This new truth is going to profoundly change my life. Who knows, maybe it'll change yours too? I'm open to the possibility that, my words are every bit as likely to inspire, uplift, encourage, communicate love and support, and a multitude of other fabulous and wonderful feeling potentials. (I used to think it was ok to feel like shit about my words, its kind of exhilarating to feel hopeful of the beautiful potential too, cuz the worry is still here, but the hope is too! Worry is ok, it helps me consider my safety and that is a good thing. Today, my worry is at a healthy level. ((SUPER PUMPED!))

I'm getting a touch ahead of myself. Let me try to take it back and fill in the gaps.

If you've been here for a while, or taken time to peruse this blog, you likely figured out that I am a bit noncommittal, when it comes to blogging, and really, if I am honest, I'm a bit all over the place in a lot of areas of my life. My family, being at the front of the list of exceptions. Always committed to them. Sometimes I'm even good at letting them know how much I love them, sometimes...not so much. I am human, after all.
One reason I suck at being faithful in blogging is the fact that I censor the shit out of myself. I have a zillion words I want to share, if for no reason other than to be able to document and sort of journal my life. Memories fade, so digital tracks seem good. I could keep it private, and be just for me, but that takes all of the risk out of it, I put more effort into posting from a position of hoping to set some positive ripple into the motion
.
 I have been told a lot that I should write (by people I am talking with...typos and punctuation, tone, intention, vibes, etc do not get so fucked up when I talk! 😀Or at least alot less often! I prefer two way conversations to me spewing words, alone. So I definitely welcome your comments, sharing your own thoughts, ideas, experiences, and perspective, with love, yeah, I WELCOME THAT. 

  I am definitely working through that old unconscious habit of silencing, invalidating, and belittling myself. This is all about to get good. That much feels true! . (GOOD VIBES) 

I'm intending to be as honest and authentic, as I can be, and I will continue to push my boundaries, until I am able to write completely from my heart, mind, and soul. 


I have spent a lot of my life trying to keep my words such, that no feelings are ever hurt. I silenced myself because people don't like to be disagreed with, or might misunderstand or something else. Trust me, I could list for days. . . Always worried people would be upset and I get to feel shitty, (for their perspective or interpretation of my words etc) Maybe that makes me weak, in your eyes? Maybe not. It is the truth though, I can worry myself out of all sorts of things. That is not my jam. I do not thrive there. It doesn't serve anything good in my life, at this moment. It turns out, it is very unhealthy for me. So, I am taking steps to be more me and less worried about letting everyone else down. Its not like anyone knew I was running all those lovely, scenarios through my head and manifesting a huge pile of FUCK NO, in my life. Its not like I need to have approval to have value. And its not like we have to agree to be friends, family, soul tribe-mates, connected. And its not like my words have to affect you in anyway you don't want/allow them too.  So here goes, authenticity, transparency.....well less murky, I needs the baby steps. Flow with it, not cliff diving! (Shout out to my girl SpitFire!!!)


I've only just developed the notion, that my ideas matter too. My feelings matter. My thoughts have value. Every bit as much as any other person. So why is it appropriate to censor me, when I don't want to censor you? That's right. It's not. So I am building that muscle and letting go of the ego based notion, that in order to be of value, I have to keep the balance, and not make waves.  I'm of value whether you see it, or not. That is not meant to sound snarky, its a love note to me. And its true for you too. You do not have to be anyway other than you are, to be of value. I have lots of room for growth, and life will provide it, without the need for me, or you, to be silenced(even by your own doing), such as I have bee).

As a first step in being true to me, I am no-longer writing this blog with the reader in mind. My intention is to use this space to share my truth as I live my life. My experiences. My Journey. And if others can draw something useful from it, ALL THE BETTER. I'd be lying if I said I didn't dream of having people follow my writing and comment along. I would love that. I welcome all possibilities for my (and Your) greatest good.


For as long as I can remember I have been pulled to seek the truth, about life, and what comes after. I have spent the bulk of my life going from one christian church to another, looking for the one that really resonated with my soul. One that felt "true" and loving. One that really embodied my innate sense of God's unconditional  love. I would find flaws everywhere. Flaws in doctrine. Flaws in structure. Flaws in leadership, members, and myself. I struggled to really settle in and wrap my life around the principles taught and learned. I always felt a strong connection to God. I have many areas of my life that have been orchestrated by something far more talented than I. I have never doubted the existence of some higher power. I did however, by my current perception, place limitations on the very source of the existence of everything.


I am certain of the existence of some divine source, or the creator of everything. ( I also believe a piece of each of us is of that source, but that's a topic for another day.).  I no-longer feel comfortable identifying that source by the average perception of christians standards. I feel many limit the power of love, and the power of our own divine nature. I don't think god/source/goddess/God/whatever name(s) you prefer for Deity(ies) really gives a rats ass what you call them. I believe there is divinity all around us, small traces of source love residing in all of everything.  I think humans have built the walls that limit our capacity to see just how incredibly beautiful we are. Just how incredibly capable of love, acceptance, and joy. Rules for safety, sure. Rules for life, sure, ok, I suppose. Ill accept something like "Do what makes your soul catch fire, and harm no one while you do that." Or "Love your neighbor, as yourself". Beyond that, I'm not sure what else matters. Seems like not much. As long as you are living a life that keeps you in cycles of growth and love, and ebb and flow, living to love yourself, and treating people in ways you would like to be treated,how can that be wrong? That feels honest, and free flowing, and fucking beautiful. I recommend giving it a go, I know I am. I know I'm as excited as I am nervous, but I am keeping the scared at bay!!!!


So where does that leave me? 
😀

Currently, I like the label Omnist, because the idea is,  no one religion or spiritual practice is exclusively  true (as in the ONLY way to live and be saved from eternal damnation), and yet there is truth in all. One has to really discern the truths that fit for them, I'm trusting that you are capable of choosing your own beliefs, and I'm giving myself that trust as well.  I hold space for the fact that I am exploring an entire new territory and a seemingly endless spectrum of possibilities to finding my path and living a life that feeds my soul and serves to put more love into circulation.

(Side note: Self love counts, don't forget that. Loving yourself, puts love into motion, trust me. Or try it and prove it to yourself. Yes, do that!!!  And don't be too surprised when those shifts come about. In my experience, that's normal. Growth and shifting are worth the effort. Especially when you begin to see yourself as the beautiful, wonderful soul that you are. You are worth the effort, That is true for everyone. Whatever you feel about yourself, I pray that you know you are loved, and your value has no conditions on it. You can love yourself exactly as you are. You are whole, you are worthy love. Feeling less than complete and worthy, is not likely serving your greatest good. Lying to yourself rarely does. Just a thought to ponder, you are the author of your life, you choose your role. Choose wisely, revisit often, adjust.)

 I am changing my perspectives on life and love, and purpose. I am expanding my awareness of other people and their perspectives. I am no-longer judging one path to be better than another. I see your path, your faith, your journey, as an expression of who you are, in that moment, and I love you. I support you on your path to finding your purpose, passion and greatest good. I support your right to choose what you truths, and I believe each of us in not only capable, but perfectly suited to choose for ourselves!

Cheers to shifting!
Much love to you all.




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