Monday, January 30, 2012

Homeschool dilemma. Warning, serious rambling follows..

Ever wonder what goes on in other people's homeschool? I do. I think it is common for us homeschool momma's to want to know what everyone is up to. We like to compare ourselves and measure ourselves against each other. Oh, that's just me?  I doubt it. :0) I don't think there is anything wrong with being curious, or sharing ideas for that matter. I miss the days when I first started out and my best friend was also a homeschool mom. We shared ideas, projects, worksheets, lesson plans, frustrations, and successes. It was great. Then we moved....
I long for the days of old. I wish I had found some wonderful homeschool family that operated similarly to mine. I have not. I am in a community of many homeschoolers but I often feel like an outsider. Maybe because we also are a foster family. Maybe because we can't or haven't found our place in a church. I feel judged. It kinda sucks.
Maybe I need to let it go and try again? Although my last attempt was quite awful for me, and the others. Let me share my story....When I went to a meeting I discovered that some of the women wanted to exclude other women based on their religion. Honestly, that wasn't a huge issue for me. Co-ops are usually for like minded families to share in teaching and learning opportunities.  At least that is my take on them. My problem was in how it was being handled. It felt very sneaky and hurtful, rather than just honest and open. So I backed out of the co-op, which led to the dissemination of the whole thing. I am left feeling like I let everyone down. Yet, I am proud of myself for standing up for my beliefs. I fear trying to participate in any of the functions within the community. I don't care to be a topic of gossip......I don't like that I let people down.........It's not a great situation....
My kids are not worse off because of it. They are quite happy with our homeschool. I just wish they had more interaction with kids in our homeschool community. Maybe it isn't all that important. Maybe this is one of those moments where I am doubting my ability to adequately teach my kids.... It's funny, even with the doubts, I still know my husband and I have made the right choice for our kids. I thought the doubts would go completely away one day, after 7 years of homeschooling I guess the doubts are just part of my process. I have been and will continue to pray for guidance and strength. He always provides. This time will be no different.
Thanks for letting me ramble and rant. You rock!

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